Some Thoughts About Marriage

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

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At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" the other replied, "Yes, I am, I married with the wrong man."

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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished. Married is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

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Young son:" Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: "That happens in most country , son."

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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

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A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

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Three rings: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, Suffering. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why.

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Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the wife listen. In the second year, the woman speaks and the husband listens. In the third year, the both speak and the neighbors listen.

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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes , dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

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It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

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A man inserted an 'add' in the classifies: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine".

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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either it is a new car or a new wife.

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A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with dishes.

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A woman was telling her friends, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him," asked the friends. The woman replied, "A multimillionaire."

Jokes from all over

ESSAY

The master of ceremonies on the radio program was interviewing engaged couples, asking for the detail of their romances. When one couple came to the microphone, the bride-to-be explained that was a second romance for both of them. They had been both married before- to - each other - but extreme youth and the separation of war had broken thier marriage. "Just what made you decide that you were meant for each other after all?" asked the emcee. "well," explained the lady, "our young daughter wrote a composition in school entitled "I wish my father would marry my mother".

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WEDDING PACKAGE

On a visit home from college, I found my father listening to one of the many records in his beloved collection. "Dad," I announced, "I have a surprise for you. I'm getting married!" He congratulates me and held out a record. "Son," he said, remember that marriage is like one of these. You get what you like on one side and take what you get on the other."

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HAPPIEST DAY

Mark's closest friend came up and pressed the future bride-groom's hand warmly. "Mark, I want to congratulate you on this one of the happiest days of your life." "But, I am not getting married until tomorrow," objected the other. I know, I know," replied the friend. "That is what makes this one of your happiest days. Today is the last of your bachelorhood",

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WEDDING PLANS

Lunch at a local eatery, I overheard a conversation between a mother and a daughter about plans for a wedding. The young woman protested that she was the one being married and shall be allowed to make decision. "After all, mother," the bride-to-be said, you had your wedding 23 years ago." "No, dear", came reply. That was my mother's wedding."

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HONEYMOON

While on her honeymoon, the young bride had gone out alone one afternoon to make a few purchases. Coming back to the hotel where she had been accustomed to trustfully following her husband's guidance, she got off the elevetor at the wrong floor. She went down the corridor until she reached what she supposed to be the floor of her room. Finding it locked and having no key with her she knocked upon it and called out softly, "Honey, oh honey." There was no response. After a while, she knocked again, calling somewhat more loudly, "Honey, oh honey." When this had occurred a number of times, a blatantly male voice roared out from within, saying, "Madam, this is not a beehive, it's a bathroom."

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QUITE A MAN

Every Friday evening I drove my wife to the station so that she could catch a train to visit her sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, my sister arrived by train at the same station to manage our household over the procedure worked in reverse, with my sister departing by train ten minutes before my wife arrived. One evening after my sister left and a while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over. "You're quite a man!" he said. But one of these days, you're going to get caught!"

Before and After Love Dies

Before: You take my breath away!
After: I feel like I'm suffocating.

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Before: Twice a night
After: Twice a month

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Before: She says she loves the way I take control of a situation.
After: She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac.

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Before: Saturday Night fever.
After: Monday Night Football.

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Before: Don't stop.
After: Don't start.

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Before: Is that all you're having?
After: Maybe you should have just a salad, honey.

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Before: It's like I'm living in a dream.
After:It's like he lives in a dorm.

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Before: P1,000/doz.
After: P50./stem

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Before: Turbocharged
After: Jump-start

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Before: We agree on everything.
After: Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

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Before: Victoria's Secret
After: Fruit-of-the-Loom

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Before: Feathers and handcuffs.
After: Ball and chain

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Before: IdolAfter: Idle

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Before: But I love a woman with curves!
After: I never said you were fat.

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Before: He's completely lost without me.
After: Why won't he ever ask for directions?

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Before: Time stood still.
After: This relationship is going nowhere.

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Before: Croissant and Cappuccino
After: Bagel and instant

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Before: You look so seductive in black.
After: Your clothes are so depressing.

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Before: Oysters
After: Fishsticks

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Before: I can hardly believe we found each other.
After: I can't believe I ended up with you.

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Before: Passion
After: Ration

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Before: Once upon a time
After: The end